somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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