I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
