i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
someone owes me an orgasm
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
