Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
