how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
