glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
