Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
