is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
