Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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