I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I looked at my own cervix.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
