You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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