I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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