im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
