god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
