Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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