It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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