I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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