I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
