You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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