I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
