you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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