They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
