P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
