He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
