just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
