So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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