I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I touched a dick in church today
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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