I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
