and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
