Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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