I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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