Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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