she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
