So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
