Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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