I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
