You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
