I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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