You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
