I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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