can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
