so that wasnt chicken after all
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
