Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
