I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
