Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
