It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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