I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
