I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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