you guys were way drunker than both of me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize