my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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