My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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