dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
