i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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