Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize