We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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