Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
