make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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