I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
