mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
