Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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