we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
