you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
