She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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