everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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