I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize