You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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