you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
