That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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