Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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