Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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