I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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