Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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