So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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