Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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