I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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