well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're too hungover to prance.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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