Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
